I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
