Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize