Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
