We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
