you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
