Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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