I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
