Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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