I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
