My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize