I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
