He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I look better un-naked...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
