You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
