Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
