i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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