i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize