I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
