So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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