I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
