i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
