i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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