so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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