i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
