This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize