You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
