Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
