New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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