Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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