oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize