Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
