best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
