carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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