i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
