She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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