Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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