i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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