It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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