He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
