and she was petting her beer can
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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