do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
