dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
