can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
