The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
