oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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