So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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