I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
