I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
