the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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