oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
