so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well I just put wine in my tea
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
