i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
