So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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