i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
