i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
