I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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