I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
