He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
