She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
