remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
