Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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