Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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