Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
