sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found the puke drawer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
