Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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